I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize