I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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