Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
