I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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