Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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