I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
