I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
