Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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