hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
