Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
