Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
