make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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