ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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