the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
