You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Randomize