how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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