My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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