I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
