I wish I could punch you in the face.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
