I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
