Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just had sex on a roof
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
