She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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