I have demons in me.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
