So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
As shirtless as possible
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
