Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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