My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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