I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
