I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
