I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
