bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
