Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
