you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
