Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
