he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
