when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
