You're a womanizer and a bitch.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
