Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
