That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
