I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
