1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there was a trapeze. enough said
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
