I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
