You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
