Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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