I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
