just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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