Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
