I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
