Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize