Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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