i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
