So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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