Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He better not be in your backpack
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
