Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize