I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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