How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
