the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
did you just send me my own nude
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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