Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
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