where am i from again
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm both gender and math confused
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
