I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
