Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize