Pants 0. Shit 1.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
