So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
