i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
