i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
