she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
