bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
