I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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