I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
